Follow the Cheese: No Curve by the Side of the Road

Before I head out, a few more thoughts about Day One.

You can find out what happened to me in Clearwater in tomorrow's Miami Herald or by logging onto www.herald.com and looking for my Sunday column.

Leaving Clearwater, I traveled up US 19 through Inglis, the town that made being the Devil a crime.

The proclamation that outlaws Satan reads in part:

"Be it known from this day forward, that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis ... In the past, Satan has caused division, animosity, hate, confusion, ungodly acts on our youth, and discord among our friends and loved ones. NO LONGER!"

"We exercise our authority over the devil in Jesus' name. By that authority, and through His Blessed Name, we command all satanic and demonic forces to cease their activities and depart the town of Inglis."

Clearly this was my kind of town.

But by the time I arrived Friday night, nearly everything in town was shut down. I stopped off at a convenience store. A few kids were loitering. I now realize I am going to get strange looks wherever I go with this metal briefcase.

I ask one of the kids if he had heard about the VMGCS.

"Huh," he replied.

"The Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich," I repeated.

"Oh, the Virgin Mary, she's down in Clearwater. That's back the other way."

"No, the grilled cheese sandwich."

"I don't think they sell grilled cheese sandwiches here. They have other food though."

I decide it is late and this kid is too stupid to see what I have. I get back in the Caddy and leave. I take a county road out of Inglis toward Ocala. On the way I find a Baptist Church. The sign in front: "Jesus Grades on a Cross, Not on a Curve."

posted by Jim DeFede at 10:30 AM